Knitting Her Swag On

My last post, on the subject of the now legendary Cher Lloyd knitted doll and the effort that went into securing her appears to be one of the most popular things I have written in ages. Either that, or the title of the post managed to chime neatly with the thinking of many viewers of the now-concluded series of X-Factor, given the number of Google hits this site has been receiving thanks to searches for “Cher Lloyd Eyebrows” although the question of whether they are real or painted on will sadly not be answered here. As to those of you hunting for “Cher Lloyd Bikini” and arriving here too, can I just say that you are all sick and wrong in the head, but give it time — who knows what she will do in a desperate attempt to stay famous come the summer.

The real question I’m sure everyone is asking, is “what did you do with the knitted doll next James?” Well, the answer to that is simple. I took her to work the other day.

First, she boarded a commuter train from darkest Kent and was relieved to find that her celebrity status entitled her to a seat:

Once she had arrived at the office, Cher paused briefly at reception to sign in:

Next it was on to the computer to check out the latest stories on the talkSPORT website and to update some of the breaking sports news of the day:

By the time she had finished this, it was nearly the top of the hour so there was a news bulletin to prepare. For this photo opportunity I had to enlist the help of my colleague Robyn, a request which may naturally have sounded a little weird, but as I pointed out to her — that ship sailed a long time ago.

Now every superstar has a bit of an ego, even those just on work experience at a radio station for the day. Cher couldn’t resist checking out what people were saying about her on Twitter:

Next, it was time for some expert analysis. Keen to find out just what England’s prospects were in the next Ashes Test match, she chewed the fat for a while with England bowling legend Darren Gough:

Preparation done, Cher headed into the studio to make sure everything was sounding good and that her microphones were set to the correct level (very important this).

This task completed to everyone’s satisfaction, she was behind the microphone and ready to give her opinions on the day's events, as some people on Twitter commented, possibly making more sense than Mike Parry ever does:

Finally, with the show over, Cher headed back home. She had one more job to perform for me that day, and some would say it was the most important one of all. In the manner which led her to fourth place in the competition and a place in so many of our hearts, Cher Lloyd gently rapped my newborn baby daughter to sleep.

Thanks for all your help Cher, I had a great time. Worth every penny in the end.